that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
