i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
