when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
