you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
