I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
