I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i believe in u and ur pee
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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