OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
