so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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