Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
