did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
