You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
