I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
