"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
FUCK WHALES
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
