I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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