Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
...so i touched it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
