New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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