The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
