so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
