What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
