he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
home. puking in laundry basket.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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