Already got asked if we're dating
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
