My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
