A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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