Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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