And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
