Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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