the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
