I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
