just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
