I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
