I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
