was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
