NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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