then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
