Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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