Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I intend to get homeless drunk
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
