Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
