This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
