I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
