I didn't shave. On purpose
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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