Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
