She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
