We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
