i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it's like heaven, but drunker
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
