You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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