so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
