Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
