Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
