i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
