Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
