I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
