Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Randomize
