her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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