Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
