he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
