Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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