i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
