I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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